Wednesday, 17 July 2013

Welcome to Graduation

The best of the best.
My beautiful friends that made my three years bearable
This girl help me become a better person and is daily reminder of why to be happy. 
This man is pure genius. 

My beautiful mother who was taught me the world of knowledge.

Family Matters

My main girl.

Pretend I don't have a violin behind me.
The perfect friendship.


This year was my year of graduation.
The year that is your best year filled with memories  
The year of grade twelve, the year of the only question you hear is "What are you doing next year?"
The year circling around confusion, stress, and generally wanting to rip your organs out and cry for an eternity while eating more chocolate that is out of the health code.
I started this year not really knowing what to expect and ended the year still not knowing, and that terrifies me to death. People don't know what they want, but have an idea in what they want in the long run- for me, I am absolutely clueless. 
I started off the year thinking I wanted to pursue with drama and performing arts, then I thought fashion was the only thing that was out there for me and that I couldn't take on anything else. Eventually this turned into me wanting to go into business then I started back from square one. 
First I was told that I wasn't good enough for drama, fashion school was a waste of time, and that I didn't have the "right mind" for business. 
I've never been book smart like the rest of my family who is filled with PhD's and doctors. I am a slow learner, needing to repeat things over and over to sort of get it. I've always wished that I could be good at a core subject, so I knew the path I could invest in. If you're good at math you're able to branch into an engineer, excelling in chemistry you're able to venture as a chemist. Being able to excel in the subjects, the options are endless and are at reach. My family on both sides is filled with successful people who are pursuing what they love and have carried onto university. I feel like the runt or the dud of the family, like I'm unable to do anything right. But I don't know what is "right" for me- no matter how many career test or universities I apply to. 
Currently I am enrolled to go to university at home to study drama while taking business courses. 
I am not pleased with my choices, and not looking forward for the fall. But the whole gesture of university is to simply to see what it's like and to please my parents.
But that's the thing, I don't know what would make me please and I am walking aimlessly and wasting time,
My ideal plan for the next year is work and have a comfortable amount of money and be struggling in as much debt and to figure out some what of an idea on what I want. I don't want to spend a year wasted in something I don't want to do. But through my parents' eyes that would be considered to be "lazy" and they wouldn't want to be affiliated with somebody who is lazy.
Don't get me wrong- my parents are the best and they are very intelligent, reasonable people. They have sacrificed so much for my well being, but they have an idea that you need to go to school in order to be successful and create a comfortable life.

I don't know what I want in life, what my dream job is, or what my plans are for the year- hell, my life.
But, I have the image of travelling to London or New York and being happy.
That's what I want, is to be happy. 
I don't want to go to school and be educated in something I won't even be using in five years.
The image starts in the city surrounded by beauty created by the people, art, music, and the streets. I want to walk around the streets with my umbrella, while taking photos of the art that I am around. 
I want to drink Starbucks with friends and have the aroma of candles and Jack Johnson in the background.
I know people don't know what they want in their life and that is normal, but I can't help but feel anything but that. I wish I knew what I wanted, I wish that my path was in front of me planned out. 

Because this whole thing freaks the shit out of me.

Your thoughts? 

"Everything you want is just outside your comfort zone." -Robert Allen

No comments:

Post a Comment